they call me Mack. I studied Judo as a child and can flip you on your ass. don't test me. I am an outstanding breakdancer. I can recite complete passages of Henry the fifth. I can calculate odds and handicap horses with amazing accuracy. I tend to act like I own the place. I can play Jessie's Girl on the guitar. I am a big hit with the ladies. My pinball prowess is unmatched. My pachinko skills are world-class. When I order pizza, I can predict the exact moment the doorbell will ring. I can tell the difference between coke and pepsi. I can make mind-boggling origami. I have won the biggest animals at the county fair with little or no effort. I could teach a college course on how to make the perfect sandwich. I can tell the exact time by looking at the sky. I can solve a rubiks cube in less than 60 seconds. I can give the finger in Korean. My gazpacho recipe is the best in the world. I have made the eight ball on the break three times in a row. I have totaled a truck, a car, a motorcycle and two scooters. I have never broken a bone. I can make a half-court jump shot with nothing but net. I am a fantastic fisherman. Two of my teeth are bionic implants. I have painted award-winning murals at Harvard. I once won a yo-yo competition. I have hit golf balls off the coast of Cuba. I have been called an early bird and a night owl. My pumpkin carving ability would make Martha Stewart shaz her suit pants. When I call a radio station, I never get a busy signal. I have a beautiful wife and two incredible children that I know about. I make no effort whatsoever to recycle. I have seen the northern lights. I have eaten strawberry shortcake with James Brown. I was attacked by a swarm of bees and didn't get stung. I can eat the five-alarm chili without breaking a sweat. I have taught classes on mannequin modeling. I can taste coffee and tell you what country the beans are from. I can make a batch of minute rice in 58 seconds. I can ride a kick-ass wheelie on a BMX bike. I can juggle while lying down. I know my way around a shotgun. I can recite Swedish christmas songs and I could teach you how to clam. I have won at cards, at love and at life, but I have yet to win the whammer.
6 comments:
I vote 2nd place.
I am most impressed with your ability to cook minute rice in 58 seconds!
I don't know about the rest of you, but I feel like I've just received a blow job from Mother Teresa. If you looked up "modesty" in the dictionary your would find a photo of Mack fucking it up the butt. Is this guy for real? I can attest to his sandwich making skills because I've experienced them drunk and/or high. But origami? Fuck me! Anyway, 2nd PLACE for being so god-damned arrogant.
2nd place- This one makes me feel like I have wasted 31 years. Thanks Mack
okay. name your price. let's keep your vote in my house!
can't wait to see the finger in Korea. 2nd place
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