The following is an excerpt from an Esquire magazine interview with world-class golfer and mega-celebrity, Peter Robert Reichert.
ESQ: There’s been a lot of talk about your bad-boy image….
PR: Oh really? Has there?
ESQ: Uh, well yes. There was that incident at Hilton Head with the University of South Carolina cheerleader squad and your driver being used as….
PR: Look $#@hole – people are jealous of me. The life I, like, live and stuff. I’ve got mad money, blazing-hot bitches and solid-state drugs. But for me…it’s all about the sticks.
ESQ: Sticks?
PR: Golf, nimrod. Golf. It’s the gift God gave me and I make the most of it. No one can stick like I can. And then there’s my other stick game – fuc#in’ phenomenal. Peter Robert Reichert is the best at both stick games, loser.
ESQ: Well, that’s not entirely true. Currently, you are ranked one hundred and twenty–
PR: What the fu*%. Are you a g@&damned mathlete or somethin’?
One – I hit the ball hard. Two – I hit the ball far.
Three – I hit the ball fuc@in’ hard!
Can you add that up Professor Bitch. Next question.
ESQ: Okay. Would you care to talk about your relationship with Jamie Lynn Spears–
PR: Next fu%^ing question professor!
ESQ: Ah. Um. So, what’s next for Peter Robert Reichert?
PR: I’m warming up for the Whammer Invitational. If there’s a tournament to win this year, it’s the fuc$in’ Whammer.
ESQ: I’m not aware of that competition. Have you won the Whammer before?
PR: No dumb-ass! This is year-one of the Whammer Invitational. How could I? Sh*t! Don’t you idiots do any research before interviewing a celebrity?
ESQ: Perhaps I am a bit unprepared. So tell us more about The Whammer.
PR: The Whammer is the true test of what it takes to stick it. You need more than just a golf game to win that motherfu*&er.
ESQ: I see. You’re talking about other aspects of the game. The mental, emotional and spiritual side? The strength it takes to compete against–
PR: No dic%head! I’m talking about sex, drugs and rock n’ fuc&in’ roll. You need to party like a rock-star to win this bitch. Gambling, pornstar fuc#in’, massive quantities of cocaine and X, and down and dirty drinking.
ESQ: And…you also play golf?
PR: What? Next interviewer. Fu$k!
ESQ: But–
PR: Next! Get rid of this idjit!
ESQ: Mr. Reich–
PR: Find me a dude who’s fuc@ed at least once in his life. With a chick!
END EXCERPT
6 comments:
Buffalo is currently in the lead for asshole.
I vote 3rd place.
I hate this profile. It makes me angry. I don't want to see anyones pecker in a head cover. When I read it, I said to myself, "what a jerk, this is terrible. I can't stand it". I thought about taking it down because I was embarrassed to have it on the blog for friends and family. The text is obnoxious, the pictures are ridiculous, the whole thing was somewhat upsetting to me.
On the other hand...
in 2012, at Whammer V when we sit around and talk about the first Whammer contest and try to remember all the profiles it will definitely stand out and probably be most memorable. For that alone it gets my respect and my vote for first place.
When i figured out that wasn’t your golf club shaft and what i had been staring at you earned my vote for 1st place. you got me! Over the top and a little crazy, but I like it and that is what it took! Nice head cover. 1st Place!
1st place- the photos are disturbing, yet I can't look away...sinner
i think i want to change my vote... pictures are starting to bother me... hmmm. what to do, what to do...
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